New me

Now that I'm 16 weeks pregnant( All praise to Allah.. Alhamdulillah) and having the end of year holiday, I'm feeling like a million dollar.. i know it should be the only thing that i should wanna talk about..don't get me wrong.. it is really the only thing i think about the moment got up from bed..but..i prefer to keep mum..(pun intended)..let my hubby, closest friends and relatives see the happiness that i go through..coz..u'll never how people/stranger would react to your happiness..some might think ur a show off, insensitive and just soooo into yourself..i've been waiting for 1 and half year for this baby..i know how it feels..so no biggie..no picture of pregnancy test, baby scan, baby bump or baby clothes' shopping spree..no problem..happiness...you can't touch it..can't taste it..can't visualize it..but u can feel it in your heart right..

When will u get pregnant?

Ah..life is like ur playing the Platypus game..where everytime u have completed a level u will find urself trying to send another bigger and scarier alien ship to hell..each level gets harder and harder. Same goes as to what's happening to my life right now. I thought aftr getting married i dnt have to entertain the nosy annoying good -for -nothing jerks..but they seem to get meaner dis time...anyway..i dnt rlly think giving them an ounce of attention shall bring any benefit to even the germs that are living between their smelly soles.. i just wanna pour out my feelings here. Yes..it's kinda sucky of not being pregnant until now after all the efforts tht were done...but honestly..my heart still cn contain tht pain n dat embarassment..God has planned the best plan everrrrrrrr...i know it in my heart..that the best is yet to come..mayb not this month....mayb not this year..hurm...but i do hope dis month will be the magical month! :) Insya Allah

Things I have to change if i am gonna be a mother

And so..i did a lil thinking..am i really a mother material?hm..let's push the rewind button......ok..as far as i can remember...if there was a toddler around and i was supposed to watch over it..high chances i would be dis clueless person who can't foresee or perhaps can't even care whether the child is in trouble or not..i'm not cruel or selfish..just..plain ignorant..the baby might b  crawling to edge of the bed or staircase n i would be like.."em ok..as long as ur happy..i'm happy"  n it pains me to say dat the universe is still revolving around me until now..so..the proper thing to do now is perhaps...be more alert n concerned towards lil kids..
        Alright. move on to the next...when there was a lil todler existed among me n others during an outing, u would not be witnessing the sweet scene of me holding the child's hand like how mothers would do..i would use my ninjutsu to swiftly evade that task n shove it to another person...i have been walking freely for 29 years..with the speed that i prefer..with the serenity of not having to stop every few metres so that i have to entertain that lil kiddo's interest..never have to chase them when they are running around and knocking people out of  their sanity..basically..without any care in the world..with the chance to constantly re-touch my looks and have a complete control on how my tudung looks like..if i am gnna be a mother then i should get ready to be apart from all those privillege..hm..judging from how disturbed i am for still not being knocked up now..i guess i might stop being vain n be selfless...

living a one and half life...

Living a one and a half life... That was what I thought of a teacher's life 4 years ago..like having a wholesome life in one hand; my real life(that I take so seriously and wholeheartedly) and in the other one, a life that I live through half heartedly (the life inside the school compound). But before you lodge a complaint to the Ministry of Education on me for being unfit to be a teacher or start a slander on me among your gossiping voltures, hear me out.. I do at quite some time feel really totally madly in love with my job and it's often over the most trifle things..but it's rather an on off kind of thing, depending on my mood. I did sometimes put my school life first before my real life if the wind is right. I stayed back for free tuition, performance practice , spent some cash on school stuff without claiming it back, break my vocal chord rooting for my sports team and to help around in some school programme.

       But alas, in other times..i can be practically mistaken for a sluggish panda that works just for the sake of it n i couldnt care less about meeting and all the cartoonish and clownish Ministry programmes. Talking about kids..hm..if it was not the time of the month, if the students disobey my order i will just magically turn him or her into an invisible creature and ignore his or her existence. Moreover,I used to have a split image.. I'll be this one kebaye n hijab wearing teacher during school time and a person who challenged the idea of clothing itself during other time..

   That was all what happened until this year.I think i can safely say that i 100% love my job and will try my best to always do. I dont know whether it's a real thing or just one of my seasonal attitude. But i notice this year, i have been this perky lil eager beaver that will not be satisfied if one student felt left behind. I will come and find you and smother you with attention until u suffocated and like my class..muahaha! I hve never been like this.I handled 3D1 so poorly last year. By the end of the year i just lost any hope on them. If i could turn back the time i would change everything. I still love them so dearly.

   This year I'm keen to get the behind classes and i'm really willing to go to the extreme just to come up with lessons that they will enjoy. Judging from these 2 weeks, i think i'm doing pretty good, the kids make eye contacts and they really wait till it is the end of the class before they go to the loo ;)

I guess no more living a one and a half life...i'm proud to say that i'm getting and making the best of both worlds.